Precious Silence

Precious Silence


Your silence is disturbing
causing me to implant thoughts for you
Only to appease my wounded emotions of your utter stillness
Sometimes I feel like your silence puts miles between us
Stimulating a tug of war between myself and the unknown
I always seem to believe that if I'd give you time
Your absence of sound will turn into a pleasing uproar
Music to my ears & oh how i love to dance
But how much longer do I sit in silence about your murdered articulation?
This silence is precious
Not knowing if touching bases with it will bring us closer or add mileage
This precious silence puts heavy weight on my heart
Causing my throat to tighten and increasing my desire for air...
Tightening my muscles in hopes I could fight off the tears
caused by the self-inflicted thoughts of my own created especially for you
I keep blaming myself for your silence
and this precious silence is deadly


Signing Off
Excuse My Kharisma  ♥


copyrighted 07-19-06

Mind vs Heart

I wrote this poem about a year ago.It was the perfect train from the previous blog "I've Changed My Mind...but Not My Heart." Hope you enjoy it...


Mind Vs Heart


I hear the bombs from a distance
See the smoke from the flames
My mind has its own mission
But my heart is the one to blame
My brain is the mastermind
But my heart is the powerhouse
My thoughts are one of a kind 
But my emotions controls my whereabouts

My mind seen this before
But my heart wants an escape
My mind is teaching her to ignore
But my heart needs a vacay
In temporary excitement
My mind is first 2 judge
My heart just got indicted
Two time felon in a case called Love




Signing Off
Excuse My Kharisma  ♥
copyrighted 3-29-11

I've Changed My Mind...but Not My Heart

"Everybody’s at war with different things…I’m at war with my own heart sometimes."
- Tupac Shakur


Have you ever played tug of war with your heart? It's one of the most intense, most uncomfortable, most unbearable games to play. The worst part of this game is, you always lose. Often times, we find ourselves in situations that requires us to use both our minds and hearts to try to make a healthy decision. But we all know where the problem lies. The heart and the mind will NEVER agree. 


So who is right? There are so many different perspectives to view these types of complications. I guess depending on the situation, the heart could be right and in others, the mind targets it in the bullseye. But there are a few things to remember.


Feelings. Emotions. Butterflies. The heart erects all of these things. One thing a person CANNOT help (and should never apologize for) is how they feel about something or someone. Emotions can NEVER be controlled because ultimately, we CANNOT change the way we feel about anything. The heart drives off of instant impulse. The chill that crawls down our spine. The butterflies that flatters their wings incessantly. The glow on our skin or the sadness in our face can never be defined by the mind. The heart takes full responsibility. 


But what about the mind? Our minds are exercised by the information it consumes. Our minds make what seems to be educated decisions off of past experiences, things seen and unseen, and things we we were taught. What happens when we learn something new??? Our mind changes. And how many times have we changed our minds? "Oh, I changed my mind. I don't wanna go anymore." And the first thing some one asks when we change are minds is "WHY?"  When we change our minds, its because 1- we have learned something new or 2- someone or something has influenced original thoughts. The mind is fickle. One thing about the heart...at least the heart is consistent. 


So what do you do when the feelings you have do not constitute the rhymes or reasons behind your thoughts? Do you go with what you know? or do you go with what you feel? In situations of indifference, the only other solution is to pray. The heart and the mind are two bickering entities who can drive one insane if they are not spiritually stable. Relax, Relate, & Release into prayer. He can give you a better answer than I can...you just have to listen after you speak.


Check the next blog for a short poem i wrote entitled Mind vs. Heart. 


Signing Off
Excuse My Kharisma  ♥


copyrighted 3-29-11

I Shall Not Complain

The best thing about windows is that it gives us the ability to get a sneak peak of what is going on outside. I woke up this morning with the bubble guts. You can only imagine the distorted faces I was making while squabbling into the fetal position to find some sort of temporary comfort for the pain. I rolled directly in the sunlight path from the sky light in my loft causing it to catch my eyes at the most unwanted time. As I get up, I grab my Blackberry Torch. This trip to the royal throne might be longer than planned. 

As I enter the royal room where my throne awaits, I thought to myself "Man its a nice day outside. What am I going to wear? S**t, should I call out of work?" It's something about beautiful weather in VA that has me addicted. 

Glancing over my timeline on twitter, I see multiple tweets about Japan & Hawaii and how people are praying for them. As I pull up my CNN app, my heart immediately drops. Another natural disaster. My heart & prayers go out to them. Japan has experienced a horrible earthquake of a 8.9 magnitude, which in turn triggered multiple Tsunamis to hit the country as well as America's land of Hawaii. In realizing this natural disaster, is out of my hands all I can do is pray for them and leave it for the most high. I will not dwell on how i can fix it because I can't. But there is one thing I can fix...my attitude.

I had an attitude with the sun shining directly in my crusty eyes when I rolled over. Here I am complaining about one of the most precious gifts given...light. I bet you those people who are trapped under buildings, cars, and houses would love to be able to see and feel the sunlight - - - I SHALL NOT COMPLAIN.

People lost their loved ones to strong winds, water, and shaken ground - - - I SHALL NOT COMPLAIN.

Mother's are crying for their daughters, daughters crying for their Fathers and Fathers praying for their sons - - - I SHALL NOT COMPLAIN.

Power plants and buildings with people in them are being tossed like toys - - -  I SHALL NOT COMPLAIN. 

For the lower class family who had barely had a wall to hold on to who has been stripped down to nothing at all - - - I SHALL NOT COMPLAIN. 

For the kid who can no longer dance because his legs were crushed by trees, - - - I will dance for your will - - - I SHALL NOT COMPLAIN.

For the little girl who aspired to be a writer when she grew up was killed on the train ride home from school because the earthquake shook Japan's metro - - - I will live out your dream baby girl therefore - - - I SHALL NOT COMPLAIN. 

Signing Off

Excuse My Kharimsa 

♥








copyrighted 03-11-11

Keep Your Sense of Humor

"Oh my gosh, is it 5 o'clock yet? Cause if you see her, tell her I'm looking for her!! I'm bout ready to leave this raggedy a** job and get home to my bed. It has been 4:55pm for the past 10 minutes." Palms are sweaty. Feet are just a tapping. People walk by with smiles on their faces, and you just roll your little eyes. And when the clock strikes 4:58pm, you pack your s**t up and head to the door. As you speed race to the parking lot in search for your car, you notice it's not in the same spot you left it in. You search row by row, space by space in search of your 2009 Nissan Altima. "S**t, did I pay my car note?" Nah...not at all. Your whip just got a taste of that Operation Repo! "Damn!"

You reach to your hip to call somebody to come get you. Only to find your iPHONE is on 5%. "Damn, I left my charger at home." You call as many people as you can to find a ride. But suddenly, everybody is "busy". Finally you break down and call a cab and pay him $45 to take you 25 minutes down the interstate. You step outside the cab with a feeling of relief. The cab driver smelled like old moth balls and Mac Sauce.  Searching aimlessly in your pocket for your house keys as you walk up the steps, you notice your door was already open. Immediately, your heart drops to the pit of your stomach, creating a feeling of uncertainty. You pry the door open and peek your head inside, you've just been robbed....

How many of us would have just lost it? (*raises both hands*) Does this sound like a bad day or what??Some of us would cry, throw things, break stuff,  or take our frustration out on others. We think to ourselves,"nothing else can make my day worse!" Oh but it can...your family could have been in that house. Hell, YOU could have been in the house had your car not been repossessed. All things happen for a reason. We may never know what the reason is, but it isn't something you should question. Think about it...Nothing Ever Goes Wrong. God has a plan, and he knew all day long what was up. "God could have told me though!" Hush your mouth and KEEP YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR. 

Keeping a smile on your face can go a long way. I had a friend who was in prison. Good kid. It was his first time ever being locked up or convicted of anything. I made it a point to visit him every Tuesday. And every Tuesday, he would have the biggest smile on his face. He was always telling jokes. Making light of his situation. Finding ways to never lose his innate ability to bring laughter to himself and others. And even though his circumstances were bad, he adjusted to it because he knew circumstances will never adjust to him. This kid was facing 5 felonies at only 21 years old. And though he may never know it, he inspired me to Keep My Sense of Humor. I was going through some things myself, but nothing like what he was going through. So after my first Tuesday visit, I left the jail facility with a brand new attitude. 

The attitude we carry about our situation is what makes things either easier or harder. The energy we waste getting mad, yelling, and throwing things only creates a bigger mess. (Cause now you gotta clean that s**t up! LOL) But seriously, NOTHING EVER GOES WRONG. It all has been written. Your car was repossessed because if you would have came home on time, you would have been another story on Nancy Grace. Keep your sense of humor...you almost just lost your life.

Signing Off

Excuse My Kharisma

♥

copyrighted 03-11-11

YOURSELF

it's 4 in the morning & your still wide awake
a feeling of uncertainty
a feeling you can't shake
the urge to write hoping writing will break
break the mood of uncertainty
the mood you can't take

you pick up the pen with no direction
hoping when it meets the paper you see a reflection
a reflection of yourself  at a crossroad section
you decide go right when you could have easily went left and
you cant help to notice but seeing yourself and
you're your worst critic so get at yourself then
before you point the finger at everyone else when

its time to realize all the games you play
it all falls down and it started the day
the day you started treating people better than God
all your worshiped worldly possessions are just a midst in the fog

so now you all alone and all you got is yourself
a pen & a paper hoping it guides yourself
to a place where you have no choice but to better yourself
and like i said you are you worst critic
so get at yourself

take a step to the mirror and examine yourself
dont step aside
you might cry
just looking at yourself
and you might get the urge just to punch yourself
but before you do that
you need to talk to yourself

cause can't nobody tell self about self like yourself
cause everything self tells to self is already heartfelt
cause self is what made self step to yourself
and you gotta respect why self came because you care about yourself

so find your way out
cause i already found mine
God is my way and writing is how I shine
I would say 'what's yours is mine'
but then I'll be lying
cause you don't know where you are
and i like my path just fine

and if you wanna find peace
you need to find the Word
cause you gotta deal with yourself
before you can deal with the world


Signing Off
Excuse My Kharisma... ♥




copyrighted 03-11-11

One Step Forward, Two Steps Back...

"Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what your gonna get."- That's word to Forrest Gump! The quote maybe overused...cliche even...but you gotta admit: that's the realest s**t he said in the movie! I mean think about it! (*i'll wait...can't think of realer line can you? oh aight*)

I knew a college student who had everything going for him....well at least it appeared that way. He had a nice car, beautiful girlfriend who loved him more than she loved herself, money in his pocket and stacks in the bank. He even had a decent apartment and his feet was always fresh. Then one by one, all these things he worked hard for was stripped from him. He got put out of school on academic probation. His car was totaled. His girl left him because of the abuse. His money began dwindling away because he began to live beyond his means. He got evicted from his apartment. And his fresh kicks....well...i don't know exactly what happen to those! But meanwhile, the first thing he said was, "Every time I take one step forward, I get knocked two steps back."

Naturally, we cling to this statement because we can't find another way to describe our current situation. We take the right steps toward all the things our heart desires. And once we almost reach total gratification, we get knocked two steps back. Frustrating. Depressing. Discouraging. All these feelings begin to surface, but we CANNOT let "two steps back" defeat us.

Don't get me wrong, I'm all about forward movement. But when I get knocked 2 steps, 3 steps, hell, 1031 steps back...I know its for a reason. In our journey of forward movement, being knocked two steps back is a blessing in disguise. We are knocked steps back, because evidently we missed something. Something imperative to the journey. And being that we didn't catch it the first time, we get knocked back to make sure we capture the pure essence of what a journey is all about.

My dude Forrest was right, we don't know what we are gonna get! Life is full of surprises. And sometimes we gotta take a few steps back in order to have the leverage to create a might jump. It's all about forward movement people. But when we take two steps back, it's because we overlooked our blessing...don't miss out!


Signing Off
Excuse My Kharisma ♥




copyrighted 03-11-11

Living Vs Existing

It's 6:45 am. If the alarm clock had a mouth it would say "Wake yo a** up. I'm not playing this game with you today." Our finger would react with"Fall back" and hit the snooze button. Gravity strikes, causing us to naturally make love to our Sealy Posturepedics for an extra 15 minutes because its the 'support we trust and the comfort we love'. Stretch. Shower. Dress. Grab a muffin and swig of OJ and it's off to work. Wake up tomorrow morning and do it again.

Often times, we lose ourselves in the day to day routine of life! Do we plan this? Eh, sometimes. But we do know in order to keep food on the table (or for some of us, cop those new Foamposites that are about to drop knowing there ain't a stick of butter in the fridge) we do what we need to S U R V I V E. And there is nothing wrong with surviving. 

But during these trying times of inflation and increasing unemployment rates, its hard enough to E X I S T let alone to L I V E in this world. That is why its important to NEVER lose ourselves in our repetitive, yet necessary daily routines. Take the time do something for yourself. Master the rules of your own game, so you can play fair with your happiness without competition. Do something for others. There is no greater blessing than being a blessing. So let's stop the stressing and begin the manifesting by being a blessing to create bigger blessings. 

Life is too short and hard (pause) for us to lose ourselves. Anything can EXIST. A pencil. A door knob. A salt 'n pepper shaker. A tree is a living organism. And a tree shares it's wealth by providing shade to those of us who need it. Let's share our wealth people. Stop existing...&& Start Living...

Signing Off...

Excuse My Kharisma 

♥


copyrighted 03-11-11