rolling over
wishing you were here
just to smell your soft scent
or to touch the strands of your hair
to feel the warmth of your body
and the soft touch of your skin
our love has slowly faded
and i have no clue where to begin
i find myself stuck
staring at the wall
thinking it will give me answers
as to where did we fall
sleepless nights
turns into stressful mornings
crying out my pain
that my heart is enduring
as my heart beats faster
my breathing begins to increase
wells form in my eyes
as a sign of my heart's release
nerves are running wild
and i can't seem to catch them
wanting to take away my misery
in a form of a deadly weapon
weary of the feeling
i can't seem to shake it
my heart has to be pissed off
cause it's tired of breaking
wishing i could change things
we could had it all
we could have been rolling in the deep
without Adele's song...
Signing Off
Excuse My Kharisma ♥
copyrighted (c) May 2011
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Monday, May 9, 2011
"You're PRETTY to be DARK SKIN."
Before I begin, I would like to thank my sister KJ for being the muse for my next piece. Follow her blog PRdon the Interruption.
Picture it. 1998, Hillside, NJ. I was about 12 years old. It was hot that day, so our physical education teacher allowed us to go to the park located behind the school, so you know we were hype! We had the opportunity to step, dance, play on the swings, flirt with the boys, & turn around and curse them out to act like we didn't like them! LOL
Brandy & Monica just released their song "The Boy is Mine", so of course the girls had to their own version of the song. All of my friends knew I could really sing, so they would always soup me up for the battle. All the girls who wanted to be Brandy lined up on one side and all the girls who wanted to be Monica stood on the other. I enjoyed both parts of the song, but I loved Monica's punch lines, so I always wanted to flow with her.
As I stood with Team Monica, one of my peers yelled out "Alvania, you can't be Monica cause you dark skin!!" My feelings were hurt, but with me being mouth all mighty, I had to retort "So what? You can't be Monica because you can't sing!!!" Of course all the kids started the infamous instigating, long and drawn out call of "OOOOOOOOO-OOOOOOOOOOOOH". It caused a big uproar because the little girl felt embarrassed. We both wanted to be Monica but neither one of us were backing down. One of the boys yelled, "why don't ya'll just battle for it," so we did. Needless to say, I won, however the comment of me being "dark skin" stuck with me, along with other crude comments of my skin color while growing up.
I mean, I was called all types of names. Oreo, Crispy, Toast, all that! And it really messed with how I felt about myself. Growing up, it was always about the light skin girls with long wavy hair. My family always told me I was pretty, but the kids at school used to say different. All because of the shade of my skin. I was always the dark skin girl with the long pretty hair who can dance and sing. I was confused because, all light skin people are not cute! (& thats NO SHADE!) I knew I wasn't ugly, but I didn't live up to society's standard of "pretty".
I went to college, feeling the same way about myself. Never thought I was pretty, just another girl that passes you by. But the students in college had a different perception of me. They always compared me to the Kelly Rowlands & Taral Hicks'. And I COULD NOT see what they saw. It wasn't until the end of my freshmen year going into my sophomore year of college when I found who I was and accepted myself "as is" and "as ain't". Reality set in and a light bulb went off in my head. "I'm the shit to me. I'm doing my thing. And can't nobody check me!"
Immediately, out of no where, I fell in love with my skin. I've always had clear, soft, acne free dark skin. My facial features were cute to me. Baby doll eyes that would get chinky when I laugh, a button nose, a a big bright smile! And when I fell in love with my skin, I fell in love with myself. Which makes others, fall in love with me...
Once the perception of myself changed, others began to view me in the same light. If they didn't, I classified them as haters. (shrugs) But my "dark skin" still receives comments that I'm not too fond of. The most popular one is "You're pretty to be dark skin."
"Excuse me? What is that supposed to mean?" And normally I get hit with the "nah not like that but you don't see too many dark skin girls that's pretty, you know what I mean???"
No, I don't. And I refuse to lower my way of thinking to understand the ignorance you are trying to convey. No! I come from a long line of "dark skin" women in my family & they are beautiful. It makes me upset because these comments are coming from my own people. Both men & women say these things to me. They make it seem like being dark skin is a handicap.
Well not if you ask me. See, I embrace what people hate. And all the years, people have made fun of my skin & now they love it. And those of you who know me, know that I self proclaimed my skin as "Limited Edition Hershey Chocolate". LOL You may laugh, but deep down, you know it's true. And please believe me, I'm just as sweet...
So for anyone who is struggling with any sort of identity crisis, believe me I understand where you are coming from. But never change what God has created for YOU. Embrace what they hate & watch it work in your favor! Change the perception of yourself and others will follow your lead...
Signing Off,
Pretty Brown Round...
I mean...
Excuse My Kharisma ♥
copyrighted (c) MAY 2011
Picture it. 1998, Hillside, NJ. I was about 12 years old. It was hot that day, so our physical education teacher allowed us to go to the park located behind the school, so you know we were hype! We had the opportunity to step, dance, play on the swings, flirt with the boys, & turn around and curse them out to act like we didn't like them! LOL
Brandy & Monica just released their song "The Boy is Mine", so of course the girls had to their own version of the song. All of my friends knew I could really sing, so they would always soup me up for the battle. All the girls who wanted to be Brandy lined up on one side and all the girls who wanted to be Monica stood on the other. I enjoyed both parts of the song, but I loved Monica's punch lines, so I always wanted to flow with her.
As I stood with Team Monica, one of my peers yelled out "Alvania, you can't be Monica cause you dark skin!!" My feelings were hurt, but with me being mouth all mighty, I had to retort "So what? You can't be Monica because you can't sing!!!" Of course all the kids started the infamous instigating, long and drawn out call of "OOOOOOOOO-OOOOOOOOOOOOH". It caused a big uproar because the little girl felt embarrassed. We both wanted to be Monica but neither one of us were backing down. One of the boys yelled, "why don't ya'll just battle for it," so we did. Needless to say, I won, however the comment of me being "dark skin" stuck with me, along with other crude comments of my skin color while growing up.
I mean, I was called all types of names. Oreo, Crispy, Toast, all that! And it really messed with how I felt about myself. Growing up, it was always about the light skin girls with long wavy hair. My family always told me I was pretty, but the kids at school used to say different. All because of the shade of my skin. I was always the dark skin girl with the long pretty hair who can dance and sing. I was confused because, all light skin people are not cute! (& thats NO SHADE!) I knew I wasn't ugly, but I didn't live up to society's standard of "pretty".
I went to college, feeling the same way about myself. Never thought I was pretty, just another girl that passes you by. But the students in college had a different perception of me. They always compared me to the Kelly Rowlands & Taral Hicks'. And I COULD NOT see what they saw. It wasn't until the end of my freshmen year going into my sophomore year of college when I found who I was and accepted myself "as is" and "as ain't". Reality set in and a light bulb went off in my head. "I'm the shit to me. I'm doing my thing. And can't nobody check me!"
Immediately, out of no where, I fell in love with my skin. I've always had clear, soft, acne free dark skin. My facial features were cute to me. Baby doll eyes that would get chinky when I laugh, a button nose, a a big bright smile! And when I fell in love with my skin, I fell in love with myself. Which makes others, fall in love with me...
Once the perception of myself changed, others began to view me in the same light. If they didn't, I classified them as haters. (shrugs) But my "dark skin" still receives comments that I'm not too fond of. The most popular one is "You're pretty to be dark skin."
"Excuse me? What is that supposed to mean?" And normally I get hit with the "nah not like that but you don't see too many dark skin girls that's pretty, you know what I mean???"
No, I don't. And I refuse to lower my way of thinking to understand the ignorance you are trying to convey. No! I come from a long line of "dark skin" women in my family & they are beautiful. It makes me upset because these comments are coming from my own people. Both men & women say these things to me. They make it seem like being dark skin is a handicap.
Well not if you ask me. See, I embrace what people hate. And all the years, people have made fun of my skin & now they love it. And those of you who know me, know that I self proclaimed my skin as "Limited Edition Hershey Chocolate". LOL You may laugh, but deep down, you know it's true. And please believe me, I'm just as sweet...
So for anyone who is struggling with any sort of identity crisis, believe me I understand where you are coming from. But never change what God has created for YOU. Embrace what they hate & watch it work in your favor! Change the perception of yourself and others will follow your lead...
Signing Off,
Pretty Brown Round...
I mean...
Excuse My Kharisma ♥
copyrighted (c) MAY 2011
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Common Denominator
I cannot rationalize why I feel this way. It is indeed indescribable but most desirable. It is something that cannot be touched but only felt. It's something that I cannot share but wouldn't mind giving the world the opportunity to witness it. Every one has different blessings bestowed upon them and of course for many different reasons.
Have you ever been thoughtful, sweet, caring, dedicated, and encouraging? On the flip side, have also been selfish, impatient, vain, & moody? And through these times, whether good, bad, or indifferent, there is always something that is your foundation. Your base. Your denominator to your numerator. You may not recognize it now, but its good to reflect on life's journey. Life's ups, downs, lefts, and rights.
For me I always had this common denominator, in which the number has never changed in my life. With myself being the numerator, my number has always changed. The bigger my head got, the larger the number. The more I lacked in confidence, the smaller the number. But my denominator...my foundation....my base, has always stayed the same. No matter how much I've changed.
My blessing is my foundation. My base. My denominator to my numerator. And this blessing goes by the name of Terri Lynn Jones-Boone. But to me, I just call her Mommy. Mommy, you have given me strength, courage, and power to fight for what I want. You have given me confidence, intelligence, wit, and perception to follow through with all obstacles I come across. You have shown me the importance of humility, submissiveness, lack of pride, and modesty. You gave me the innate ability to be sweet, caring, dedicated, and encouraging even during the times I am selfish, impatient, vain, and moody. And for that, I am forever in debt to you.
My greatest blessing to this day, is something I will NEVER try to rationalize. Something that is indeed indescribable but most desirable. It is something that cannot be touched but only felt. It's something that I cannot share but wouldn't mind giving the world the opportunity to witness. Every one has different blessings bestowed upon them and of course for many different reasons. I'm just glad God chose you to be my denominator.
Happy Mother's Day♥
From VA to NJ
From VA to NJ
I Love You Mommy
Love,
Boota!
Boota!
Signing Off
Excuse My Kharisma ♥
copyrighted (c) 05-08-11
copyrighted (c) 05-08-11
Common Denominator
I cannot rationalize why I feel this way. It is indeed indescribable but most desirable. It is something that cannot be touched but only felt. It's something that I cannot share but wouldn't mind giving the world the opportunity to witness it. Every one has different blessings bestowed upon them and of course for many different reasons.
Have you ever been thoughtful, sweet, caring, dedicated, and encouraging? On the flip side, have also been selfish, impatient, vain, & moody? And through these times, whether good, bad, or indifferent, there is always something that is your foundation. Your base. Your denominator to your numerator. You may not recognize it now, but its good to reflect on life's journey. Life's ups, downs, lefts, and rights.
For me I always had this common denominator, in which the number has never changed in my life. With myself being the numerator, my number has always changed. The bigger my head got, the larger the number. The more I lacked in confidence, the smaller the number. But my denominator...my foundation....my base, has always stayed the same. No matter how much I've changed.
My blessing is my foundation. My base. My denominator to my numerator. And this blessing goes by the name of Terri Lynn Jones-Boone. But to me, I just call her Mommy. Mommy, you have given me strength, courage, and power to fight for what I want. You have given me confidence, intelligence, wit, and perception to follow through with all obstacles I come across. You have shown me the importance of humility, submissiveness, lack of pride, and modesty. You gave me the innate ability to be sweet, caring, dedicated, and encouraging even during the times I am selfish, impatient, vain, and moody. And for that, I am forever in debt to you.
My greatest blessing to this day, is something I will NEVER try to rationalize. Something that is indeed indescribable but most desirable. It is something that cannot be touched but only felt. It's something that I cannot share but wouldn't mind giving the world the opportunity to witness. Every one has different blessings bestowed upon them and of course for many different reasons. I'm just glad God chose you to be my denominator.
Happy Mother's Day♥
From VA to NJ
From VA to NJ
I Love You Mommy
Love,
Boota!
Boota!
Signing Off
Excuse My Kharisma ♥
copyrighted (c) 05-08-11
copyrighted (c) 05-08-11
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)