"Daddy". No matter how old I get, the commonly used term amongst children across the world will always remain the same. There is something in the word that holds so much weight. So much definition. And even though every newborn, toddler, kid, pre-teen, teenager, young adult, and adult may have a different meaning for the term "Dad", I have to be the luckiest of them all.
I wish I could I see myself through your eyes from the time I was born through today's date and counting. I remember as a child how much I simply adored you. I was amazed by how tall you were & how your shoes swallowed my feet. I never could comprehend how my little hand would disappear once I put it in yours. Growing up, I loved being the taste tester of every meal you have ever cooked. Then when you would leave the kitchen, I would sneak and "test" some more. (I promise to this day, I have yet to have oxtails and cabbage that taste like yours!) All my friends think I have the funniest & coolest Dad in the world. I believe it to be true. No matter what I ever happened, I knew that I would always have my Dad around...
Until I left for college. I don't know what made me leave. But all I know is I miss you and my mother more EVERYDAY. Can you believe it has been 7 years already??? When I left for college, I thought I was smoking crack for leaving my parents! What the hell was I thinking about leaving Newark, NJ and going to Petersburg, VA?! I didn't have the luxury of knowing my Dad would be driving the city bus so I can ride public transportation for THE FREE! I was left to defend myself. I didn't wake up to fish, grits, eggs, and toast with apple butter you would normally cook on Saturday mornings. Instead I had to walk to the cafe and eat the mush they served as food.
But in it all, I knew what I was doing. I knew at 17 that I would depend on my Dad for everything! But I also knew that my Dad will not live eternally. So I had to leave. So I can grow up. Become independent. Make mistakes. And try to make you proud all along the way.
There maybe some things you probably wished I would have done differently. You probably had your own plan for me. But I promise, with every decision I have ever made you were always on my mind. Whether its buying a new pair of shoes or getting a new apartment. You gave me the skill of "long term thinking" without trying to predict the future at the same time. I remember one day you were helping me with my math homework and you said, "I can tell you are thinking because you are scratching your head." LOL & I promise you to this day, I think of you when I find myself "scratching my head" from trying to figure something out. Lol. (It's funny because its true!)
As the tears run down my face and laughs sporadically leave my mouth as I'm writing this, all I could do is wish you were here so I can hug you. So you can kiss me on my forehead. It's something that I miss everyday for the past 7 years. But when I close my eyes and think of your scent, its like you are right here with me.
I love you Daddy more than any words can ever describe. I remember when we were at Nita's house last summer. And you said, "I dropped Nia off in Virginia as a little girl. I came back and she is now a woman." That touched the deepest parts of me. And in that moment I knew that I was making you proud.
So on today, I just want to honor you for being who you are. Thank you for everything. Thank you for letting me go and allowing me to grow, make mistakes, and become independent, while making you proud along the way.
If you think I'm a force to reckon with now, you haven't seen anything yet!!!
Happy Birthday Daddy!
I love you!!!
Excuse My Kharisma ♥
