A LETTER TO MYSELF...

Hey Girl!

Where you been? It's been a minute since I seen you last. I heard you were still down in VA doing your thing. That's what's up. I miss you soooo much. We haven't kicked it in DUMB long. I missed those days where you and I would just bug out for no @#$K%^& reason at all! It's hard to find someone with the same edge as you. Chillin' doesn't even have the same meaning since you left. SMH

Our adventures around the city gave us memories we will never forget! Shout out to your father for being a bus driver! We had mad student bus tickets on deck! LOL We used to laugh at all the people that would hop on the bus. Especially the 39 bus oh my gaaaah! You ain't know who was gonna come up on that joint. Especially in the summer of '04. Sheeesh. We knew we were in for a show on any bus we caught during that summer. We use to catch either the 39 or 13 downtown and hop the trains to go to NY. LOL We almost got caught that one time! LOL But we were too smooth to lose. The train doors closed and pulled off at perfect timing. That cop was mad as hell! LOL

I'm glad you brought me with you when you went to college. I seen some things I would have never seen in Newark. But them people down in Virginia were just happy for NO reason at all. Smiling and waving and shit. Just too damn happy for me. You soften up too! LOL Cause you started smiling and waving back. SMH. Its cool though. I guess if you were gonna be down there for the next 4 years, you had to adapt to your surroundings.

You let me get down with your crew at VSU. I mean, I was never too keen on being with a clique but they was cool as hell. They took me in right along with you. Even though I was wild LOL. I know I slipped up a few times, but I couldn't help it though! You know me! If a nigga just look at me wrong, I'm wyling!! Don't front. You were the same way too! But you allowed them to humble you. You became much more reserved. That's when I started to see you change.

I mean, don't get me wrong. I love the person you have become. In fact, I wish I could be like you in so many ways. But I refuse to change. I let you be the humble you and I just smack these birds for you. No biggie. We been together since birth, I would never turn my back on you...like how you did me.

No love lost but you used to be so tough! You used to ROCK OUT! I never knew another chick that was as hard as you. Everybody thought Eve was the pit bull in a skirt til they met you. What happened to you? Matter fact, the last time I seen you was back in 07 at the Cotton Club. We was putting b!@#$e% down that night! LOL

I know you still feel me in you. But you keep suppressing me, like I ain't shit. Like I wasn't the one rocking out with you the past 25 years. Now you all calm. Living in 2-story lofts & shit. You work for that Fortune 500 company on salary with full benefits, now you act like you don't need me anymore! What's up with that? I thought you was coming home after you got your degree? I thought we were gonna go back to hopping trains & shit? You traded your J's & basketball shorts for 6-inch heels and a tight skirt!

I guess you all grown up now. I thought I'd never see the day you would leave me behind. But I'm still riding with you though. Like them country niggaz say out in Virginia "bah-lee dat". LOL I love you regardless of who you become. And just in case I never get a chance to tell you, I'm proud of you. Keep doing ya thing. But if you need me...well you know where I'm at.

Always in your heart,
The Old You





Signing Off
Excuse My Kharisma ♥

(c) Copyrighted 04/26/11

A Woman's Strength

I remember going to Maryland to go visit one of my best friends for a fun filled weekend about 2 years ago. We went shopping, ate, laughed, took a nap. We woke up, ate, laughed, and slept some more. Woke up and did it again. As females, we bask in each other's company so the routine never gets boring. It's the laughs that keep us together. Our differences that make us stronger. Our tribulations that keep us grounded. And the distance that makes us closer. The weekend was soon coming to an end so Sunday we capped the weekend off at church.  I'm always excited to hear the Word. During that time I needed to hear something profound but didn't expect to leave that church in D.C. with such a large impact.


The pastor had asked all the people in the room who was hurting from a past marriage or relationship to come up to alter. Of course, all women went up there. (They all probably got Keyshia Cole 1st album on deck). But it wasn't my generation approaching the alter, these women were old enough to be our mothers, grandmothers, great grandmothers, and aunties. I'm thinking to myself, "damn, really though?"


At the time, I was coming out of bad relationship that ended over a year before. However, there were still tender bruises on my heart so when the subject matter surfaced, I still felt the pain. These women were upset about relationships and marriages that happened years ago. But the tears were coming down as if it all happened last night. I watched these women cry. It felt more like watching my mom or auntie cry. I stood there in amazement because it was one thing I could NOT understand...


Women have incredible strength. INCREDIBLE! I mean we have single mothers holding down a house full of kids. Women who work two and half jobs to get through school. Women who fought for our right to vote. Women who took beatings just so I can say what the hell is on mind. Women who fought for us to get equal education and equal job placement. Women who went from poor girls to women of fortune 500 companies. Women who made great strides in politics, science, arts, etc. Women were never looked at as an equal. And through women's strength, women were able to face all obstacles of success.


Evidently a woman's strength is a force to reckon with...until it comes to a man...


I do not believe there are colors ugly enough for me to paint the picture of the feelings I had inside. I do not believe there are words strong enough to describe what I saw that day.It amazes me how we can knock down the greatest forces of our past time, but we can not conquer what a man has done to us.


Now some of these women were hurt physically, others emotionally. And some women never remarried. And all I kept saying to myself, "This will not be me 5 minutes from now. Let alone 5 or 10 years later."


I think this was the day where it was a turning point for me. At the time, I was still hurt over a relationship that ended over a year ago. Now before this day, I already promised myself that I would never put myself in that type of situation again. But on that day, I learned that I needed to unlock the chain to my pain or I was gonna be just like these women.


This is the part where as women we need to take responsibility for our emotions. It is okay to be hurt. It is okay to cry. It is okay to take time for yourself before you decide you want to get involved again. It is not okay to carry this pain for years on end. Women, we must remember it is not totally a man's fault as to why we feel the way we do. A person is only going to do what you allow them to do. And if you allow a man to break down your walls of greatness, you have to take some blame for what has happened.


For example, when construction workers tear down buildings what do they do first? They gut the building. Take everything that is inside of it out so when the knock it down, it's easier to remove. Do they knock it down with the first blow? NO!!! It takes multiple attempts to tear down a building and sometimes different tools & approaches too. Its the same thing with your heart. You know what is going on. You know this man is getting ready to gut you like a fish and tear down your walls of greatness. But he can't tear you down with one try. It's multiple attempts. And if you allow it, then you are part of the problem. Just face it.


I leave the thought train for you to explore. But I will say this, do not male bash. All men are not dogs. Let go and move on. Nobody is chaining you to pain but yourself. Life is too short. And remember to forgive!!! Desmond Tutu said "Forgiving is not forgetting: it's actually remembering--remembering and not using your right to hit back. It's a second chance for a new beginning. And the remembering part is particularly important. Especially if you don't want to repeat what happened."


Signing Off
Excuse My Kharisma ♥

The Innocence of a Child

Friday Night Lights is one of my favorite mix tapes for numerous reasons. J. Cole is the essence of fresh air much needed in hip hop. But the track entitled 'See World' always stood out on the mix tape. I was immediately intrigued because the beat originated from 2Pac's song entitled 'Pain'. And as a big Pac fan, I challenge any artist over a Pac beat. And I must say, the story that unfolded over the sampled track was indeed breath taking and heart felt. J. Cole's delivery was remarkable and opened a highly sensitive subject yet a much needed eye opener for hip hop as well.

'See World' talks about little 5 year old Shaniya Davis who went missing and later found raped and murdered in Fayetteville, NC. The song included sound clips from the news in which it revealed little Shaniya was sold into sex slavery for prostitution by her own mother. My heart dropped to the pit of my stomach as I a train of thoughts went through my mind. 

Often times, we hear different stories about children being raped and murdered. These topics never sit too well with me, as it shouldn't with you either. But the fact her own mother exposed her to such danger  is the most sickening thing anyone on this earth can do.  This story never sat well with me. Especially when the reporter said, "Shaniya was last seen with a blue sleep shirt and pink underwear." 

You can google the story for yourselves, I'm not here to report it, but this will forever be on my heart. I'm praying for the world. No, I take that back. I'm praying for the sick people who live in this world. And I don't mean *cough cough sniffle sniffle* sick, I mean sick in the head and sick in the soul. Who are you to take the innocence of a child?

The man who was last seen with Shaniya was a 29-year old man taking her to a hotel room.  29 years old. Are people really that sick and deranged to take the innocence of a child? A child? She is a child. A little girl who knew the definition of rape by experience but isn't articulate enough to verbally speak the meaning. What do you see as a 29 year old man in a 5 year old girl?

I tell you what I see when I look at a child. I see beauty in their eyes. Beauty that is illuminated by innocence and God's grace. A child is open to anything. A child only does what they are allowed to do. How could some one allow their child to be used for sexual advances in exchange of money? 

It hurts my heart because there are so many other children across the world who are going through similar situations. If I could give my own life, to save the children of the world from now until forever I would. Children are God's most precious gifts to people. There are some people who cannot have children. And some people who get them do not know how to treat them. 

The next time you look at a child, look into their eyes. Don't look at how cute and chubby they are. Don't look at how messy their hair may be. Don't look at the juice stains on their shirt. But look into their eyes. Looking into a child's eyes should remind you that God is living and is creating new graces everyday. Hear them laugh. Watch them play. And see their smile through their eyes...

R.I.P. Shaniya Davis

& all the children subjected by the evil in this world. 

"No matter how I hate flashbacks and rewinds. Can't escape the pain that is trapped in mind. You see world you're no good." - J. Cole

Signing Off

Excuse My Kharisma ♥