A Woman's Strength

I remember going to Maryland to go visit one of my best friends for a fun filled weekend about 2 years ago. We went shopping, ate, laughed, took a nap. We woke up, ate, laughed, and slept some more. Woke up and did it again. As females, we bask in each other's company so the routine never gets boring. It's the laughs that keep us together. Our differences that make us stronger. Our tribulations that keep us grounded. And the distance that makes us closer. The weekend was soon coming to an end so Sunday we capped the weekend off at church.  I'm always excited to hear the Word. During that time I needed to hear something profound but didn't expect to leave that church in D.C. with such a large impact.


The pastor had asked all the people in the room who was hurting from a past marriage or relationship to come up to alter. Of course, all women went up there. (They all probably got Keyshia Cole 1st album on deck). But it wasn't my generation approaching the alter, these women were old enough to be our mothers, grandmothers, great grandmothers, and aunties. I'm thinking to myself, "damn, really though?"


At the time, I was coming out of bad relationship that ended over a year before. However, there were still tender bruises on my heart so when the subject matter surfaced, I still felt the pain. These women were upset about relationships and marriages that happened years ago. But the tears were coming down as if it all happened last night. I watched these women cry. It felt more like watching my mom or auntie cry. I stood there in amazement because it was one thing I could NOT understand...


Women have incredible strength. INCREDIBLE! I mean we have single mothers holding down a house full of kids. Women who work two and half jobs to get through school. Women who fought for our right to vote. Women who took beatings just so I can say what the hell is on mind. Women who fought for us to get equal education and equal job placement. Women who went from poor girls to women of fortune 500 companies. Women who made great strides in politics, science, arts, etc. Women were never looked at as an equal. And through women's strength, women were able to face all obstacles of success.


Evidently a woman's strength is a force to reckon with...until it comes to a man...


I do not believe there are colors ugly enough for me to paint the picture of the feelings I had inside. I do not believe there are words strong enough to describe what I saw that day.It amazes me how we can knock down the greatest forces of our past time, but we can not conquer what a man has done to us.


Now some of these women were hurt physically, others emotionally. And some women never remarried. And all I kept saying to myself, "This will not be me 5 minutes from now. Let alone 5 or 10 years later."


I think this was the day where it was a turning point for me. At the time, I was still hurt over a relationship that ended over a year ago. Now before this day, I already promised myself that I would never put myself in that type of situation again. But on that day, I learned that I needed to unlock the chain to my pain or I was gonna be just like these women.


This is the part where as women we need to take responsibility for our emotions. It is okay to be hurt. It is okay to cry. It is okay to take time for yourself before you decide you want to get involved again. It is not okay to carry this pain for years on end. Women, we must remember it is not totally a man's fault as to why we feel the way we do. A person is only going to do what you allow them to do. And if you allow a man to break down your walls of greatness, you have to take some blame for what has happened.


For example, when construction workers tear down buildings what do they do first? They gut the building. Take everything that is inside of it out so when the knock it down, it's easier to remove. Do they knock it down with the first blow? NO!!! It takes multiple attempts to tear down a building and sometimes different tools & approaches too. Its the same thing with your heart. You know what is going on. You know this man is getting ready to gut you like a fish and tear down your walls of greatness. But he can't tear you down with one try. It's multiple attempts. And if you allow it, then you are part of the problem. Just face it.


I leave the thought train for you to explore. But I will say this, do not male bash. All men are not dogs. Let go and move on. Nobody is chaining you to pain but yourself. Life is too short. And remember to forgive!!! Desmond Tutu said "Forgiving is not forgetting: it's actually remembering--remembering and not using your right to hit back. It's a second chance for a new beginning. And the remembering part is particularly important. Especially if you don't want to repeat what happened."


Signing Off
Excuse My Kharisma ♥