Doors

Over the past few years I lost an abundant amount of patience. Between school, work, relationships, friends & foes I have lost the ability to take long strides (and short ones) with patience. In my mind, I knew I was stable, but my actions showed otherwise.

Looking back, I was like this as a child up until my early adult life. I had mood swings & temper-tantrums when things didn't go my way. (Random Fact: I still have mood swings but now they are only erected when I'm Hot & Hungry at the same time or when I cannot rationalize something by way of thinking to the point where it aggravates me. Okay, continue reading...) And I must say, I have some tremendous friends who stood by me while I was yelling, cursing, & throwing things. I didn't know how to express myself the way I do now. (Random Fact #2 - I still throw shit...I do it to avoid hitting YOU. Be happy. I'm also working on that...okay...continue.)

After years and years of yelling, cursing, and throwing things, I always got my way. And like that new energy drink commercial...."It works for me." But what I didn't realize was how it made me appear. "Yo, Alvania cool as shit. But don't get her mad cause that bitch crazy." And people, don't front!!! We all have a little bit of crazy in us. When our buttons are pushed to the max on the wrong day, we have the tendency to flip sometimes. Some people who do not curse, may slip and say a four-letter word. Some people who may not know how to verbally convey their thoughts may just give up and walk away. Some people are not drinkers/smokers may very well walk into a bar or roll up that night. Or a "crazy bitch like me" (so they say lol) might just throw a TV down the steps!!! LOL What ever your extreme is, call it out YOURSELF... embrace it & work on it.

We all have short comings and weaknesses. I like to call them opportunities. It gives us the opportunity to make a greater good out of what we may feel like is unjust for us personally.  But don't wait for your momma-boyfriend-sister-cousin-auntie to call it out...YOU CALL IT OUT! Always check yourself before anyone else can check you.

So I checked myself. It was one night I was cleaning up the shit I threw and I said to myself "Aight...this here has to stop." I went to church the following Sunday and the pastor told everyone that needs a door to come to the alter. He made examples such as, some people do not have a home, so come pray for a house door. Some people may not have a car, so come pray for a car door. Some people may not have any money, so come pray for a bank door. What seems like the entire congregation tried to get as close to the alter as possible. As we held hands, he asked each person to ask the person on the left and right of them what kind of door do they need so we can pray for them. The brother to my left said, "I need a job door." The sister to my right said "I need a car door." I replied to them both and said "I need a patience door."

The reasons I was having mood swings, temper-tantrums, yelling, cursing, and throwing things was because I lost the ability to retain patience. So I checked myself. Now the pastor said something else that gave me more clarity. He said, "Now that you asked for this door, be prepared to walk through it and take whatever comes with it." For example, praying for a car door comes with a car note. Praying for a house door comes with mortgage. So I knew with praying for patience, came with a series of test. And boy this year has been full of lessons!!

I found a lot of things and people to be unworthy of the energy of yelling, cursing, and throwing things. (Plus, I ain't have to clean that shit up LOL). No but seriously, I am able to laugh & be honest with myself because I am WILLING to make the necessary changes to become a better me. Giving up my power and allowing others to receive the best of me is so yesterday! So today, I challenge everyone who is reading this...take a look at yourself. Find the things within yourself that you DO NOT favor. I want you to first EMBRACE it, then second Pray for that door. But remember, be careful what you pray for...YOU JUST MIGHT GET IT...and everything that comes along with it!!!


Signing Off
Excuse My Kharisma  ♥

copyrighted (c) June 2011